The Descendants

Clooney isn't bad in this one. He acts and pulls off a great performance. This movie had the feel and emotion of 50/50, a movie from earlier in 2011. It was well done in the storytelling department and pulled some emotional strings. It had a bit of a soap opera feel at times, but the story and well done performances made the movie enjoyable.

It is recommended for the patient adult crowd, not so much for the youngsters. If you could enjoy J Edgar, then go enjoy The Descendants. The imminent death of a family member brings out the dysfunction as personalities in the family in this film. We get to see the struggles and fallout and even unity around the significant events in the film.

The Descendants will pull a worthy 4 out of 5 Cyclones. This drama has a bit of comedy and some abrasive language from the kids. Well done soundtrack as well.

The Sitter

The movie tried so hard to get of the ground. It doesn't. The lack of integrity in a film is shown here. Regardless of a few LOL moments, the movie drags kids and vulgarity through our minds, the feebly attempts to find some redeeming value in the last 15 minutes of a less than mediocre film. Hoping for some comedy and bloopers and interesting takes on babysitting left me (viewers) feeling neglected. Sorry fat Jonah Hill, hopefully the video game market will help your career, this movie did not. The Sitter will earn 2 out of 5 Cyclones.

Sherlock Holmes - Game of Shadows

No story to follow. First hour and a half are guess work as to what is going on. The editing and camera work is refreshing, but cannot salvage a junk film. Stretch after stretch, and inference after inference leads to discouraging movie watching. The The humor is enjoyable and costumes as well, but there is no connection with much of the film. The movie falls short in story and following. It does incorporate forethought, camera work, comedy, and action quite well. Unfortunatley, just not what was expected for round two in this series. Holmes pulls 2 out of 5 Cyclones.

Arthur Christmas is more about efficiency and timing

Not bad, but not the holiday fun of years past.  The movie was cute and not exceptional in 3D. The story goes on about the Christmas clan and their heritage and how times change, but the values shouldn't.  It was well laid out and kids can enjoy it while parents are not turned off.  The movie comes during a lull in the season, and was unable to hit a high note with myself and many other viewers. The typical response to the film was "Cute." If that is what you want, then go enjoy.

The one liners from Grandpa/Senior Santa were hilarious as well as a few others from the animated cast.  Some of us were on the floor laughing, which made for a great show.  But aside from some witty comments, the remainder of the script was left for the kids.

Yes it is appropriate for all ages. Adults will adore the older Santa and the resourcefulness and mind-slip moments. Others will enjoy the clean animation. A good story about family and Christmas. Arthur Christmas pulls a weak 4 out of 5 Cyclones. 

-CycloneMovies.com Critic

J Edgar is a big fat slow movie

The movie is way too toned down to really give an accurate portrayal of the man. More a made for TV type docufilm. The youngsters who snuck into this movie were quick to leave as they realized who J Edgar was in reality. Yes, he wore women's clothes, hated/loved men, and had mommy issues.  He was also vital in the creation of the FBI and instrumental in challenging civil and constitutional rights in this country.  He was a one man army, like Manson was a mass murdered. They wielded a big stick, but their hands were clean.

The movie was a bit too dull to keep the general viewer engaged. Most were willing to depart early for some In-n-Out or a better option. Those looking for some historical insight were left a bit high and dry. The acting was not worthy of any award nods. So we are left with a made for TV movie and two hours in the theatre where we feel we aged as rapidly as J Edgar.  The make up and transformation from young to old JEH was done exceptionally well. The time jumps were done well also. Wait for Redbox. This one pulls 2 out of 5 Cyclones.

-CycloneMovies.com Critic, ready for a nap.

Muppets - classic Disney Muppets

The classic Muppets are back.  If you think Elmo or Snoopy is a Muppet, then you will not enjoy this film.  If you are part of the 99% (Occupy movement) or anyone who grew up with or still loves the Muppets, then this classic will keep you in the seats and entertained.

The dance and music scenes may be a tacky as the new Footloose film's scenes, but given that this is a kid's movie, that is fine....the kids don't care.  There is one scene in particular that was great and that was the song and dance about "Me", but the rest are relatively simple scores. 

The Muppets are trying to save their old theatre, and they need a mere 10 million dollars to accomplish this feat.  They are battling a corporate oil tycoon for the rights to the property and theatre.  Will the be able to get a host and telethon together in time on a major network to raise the money?  That is our movie with the new Muppets production.

The characters are there and ready to roll.  The kids filled the theatre's seats at the screening.  The kids would have made the movie fun, but many of them were not laughing. They were merely glued to their seats watching.  I took this as a good sign. Maybe I was wrong.  Muppets is nothing to line up for at the theatre, but it will pull 3 out of 5 Cyclones for classic goodness.


-CycloneMovies.com Critic

Twilight - the new one

Tough to write a review on such a bad series/film.  Bad: acting, makeup, soundtrack, effects, scenes... Good: closing score, and Bella's had a great part in the movie as a corpse.

The opening HOUR AND A HALF will make non Twilight series lovers want their money back.  Feminists may also cringe at the abortion dilemma. Have no fear, this a tame PG-13 film made for the kids.  The wedding is tame and poorly done, the sex scenes are mild and uneventful, yet the birthing session in the last half hour was intense. 

Those not glued to the books were sleeping through the movie. The first time i saw it, i didn't care. The second time I saw this episode, I stayed awake.  The third time I saw it, I realized how terrible it really was.  It is like they are trying to find actors as terrible as Mark Hamil and Hayden Christensen (in the Star Wars series) to battle for worst actors in a major motion picture series! 

If you are a tween who can text and play angry birds throughout the movies you usually watch, this is perfect for you and go be detached from yet another film you can tell your friends you saw and know nothing about it.  If you want a quality film with some value, then see ANYTHING else.  Merely to appease the 'Clones in love with the series, Twilight will pull 2 out of 5 Cyclones.


-CycloneMovies.com Critical Critic

Like Crazy - drove viewers crazy.

Terrible.  From start to finish, it was like seeing a (long-distance) Facebook relationship through the eyes of those too old to use Facebook, but given terrible scripts to work from as well.

Avid movie goers were walking out of this movie.  Critics were sleeping and texting on their phones.  This movie was about a couple, cheating on each other, getting married, facing immigration problems, and unable to reconcile any aspect of their lives.  The young man in the film makes furniture and engraves the phrase "Like Crazy" on a chair he makes for his fiancee, seriously. Sounds like there could be a story, but there was not.  It was complete garbage. 

The acting and writing was so pathetic.  The camera work was choppy and cut every 15-20 seconds to a new scene where the young couple is continuing the exact same conversation. Made me want to vomit at each ongoing conversation and each camera cut.  We were hoping for an ending, and when that ending did come, we were even more disappointed with it! 

The parents in the film did well in their roles, but nothing else (except the negative feeling left towards the US Immigration policies) was left to desire.  Like Crazy will pull a soft 1 out of 5 Cyclones.

-Critic for CycloneMovies.com

Immortals - will have a short shelf life

Not going to cut it as a 300 follow up.  The effects were similar, but not as engulfing as they should have been.  The actors were not captivating either.

It was not a bad film, it just fell short of expectations.  This is a story of the Greek gods and their life cycles.  The gods were fantastic in their roles.  The humans were not as convincing (irony there?) While the digital effects seemed a bit rushed and lacked the luster many may expect, they still gave a life like feel.  It is difficult trying to write a positive spin on this film.  The story seemed a bit of a stretch to put together, but the end left us feeling we came to a completion.  The first 2/3 of the film is where we feel we are not getting out money's worth.

There is blood, violence, and horrific animation scenes throughout the Immortals film.  Do not take your little one's to see it.  Do not expect a story in Greek mythology either, as the story was choppy and insufficient.  But do go for the animation and fight scenes.  Seeing this one in 3D is a personal preference. Tough pull, but Immortals will pull a weak 3 out of 5 Cyclones.


CycloneMovies.com Critical Critic

In Time

JT finally has a role where he should step up his game and give us a show.  But all he does is bring us a bunch of pretty people in a movie with a strong social/moral base, and a PG-13 rating.

He has to have time to live. All society lives and ages to 25, then they are given 365 days to live past that point, without aging.  They work tirelessly to earn that extra hour or minute.  Their society is stratified into sectors. The slums see death, the bourgeoisie see hours logged on their wrist-life meters.

The story plays out and is not always predictable.  The kids get a great story to follow.  Adults can feel comfortable seeing the film with their kids or letting them attend alone. A well done film for a rough time of year.  Makes you think about your social priorities a bit. Maybe even the Occupy crowds can show/see/understand it and occupy their theatres in protest.  We will drop In Time 4 out of 5 Cyclones. 


-CycloneMovies.com Critic's Review

-

The Rum Diary

It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it is a prequel to Fear and Loathing (in Las Vegas).  This is a Hunter S. Thompson film.

What is going on? Why doesn't Johnny Depp improvise and entertain like in all his other movies? Why does it seem like I am missing part of the story? ...and so on... We all have these questions. The story is well written and played out.  The actors (Ribisi, Depp, Jenkins, etc) play profound, yet subtle roles across the board. This isn't set up to allow one character to run the show, they all compliment each other.

The location and writing and portrayal of the movie is all fantastic, but as a humble viewer, I left feeling a bit empty for lack of a better word.  This is a Jane Eyre or Matrix type movie that you want to keep playing out and to have it continue for a few more hours.  We are engulfed and entertained, but only mildly.

Now, if the review helps you decide to see (or not see) the movie, I have failed to do what i set out to accomplish. Yes, see it. It may not win the big Academy Awards, but it is one of those you need to see, either on the big screen or via Redbox will do. 4 out of 5 Cyclones.


-CycloneMovies.com Critic

War Horse

It watches like Gone With the Wind and a Broadway performance on a green screen; however, it was enjoyable and the 2.5 hour story was fantastic. The trailers are not what we see for the big picture.

No Oscars (I hope, or it would be like the English Patient all over again) but a strong PG story told about war horseys in WWI Europe.  The horses go through many hands and trials.  The stories of each stop along the way are enlightening and easy to follow.  We have quite a few short stories in a very long movie and some of the characters get lost along the way and stretch to tie back in at times....but don't worry, you will get your money's worth.

I was apprehensive about writing a good review, but understanding a bit more about the background of the play/movie, and watching it for the non-hollywood elements made things easier.  The horses are not trained by Buck Branaman, but they are merely Hollywood horses born and raised for this role.  They too help tell the story the actors could not.

Check it out, 4 out of 5 Cyclones for a feel-good Spielberg movie about horses...I can't help it.


CYCLONEMOVIES.COM CRITIC

Tower Heist

When Mission Impossible meets Oceans 11 and Blue Streak we get Tower Heist.

Eddie Murphy does not redeem himself as an actor in this movie.  The writing gave him some good lines, but he is still past his prime.  Ben Stiller and the laughing squad bring us plenty to enjoy to make up for Murphy.

The mission is to recover embezzled money from a shady boss.  Stiller is the ring leader and Alan Alda is the bad boss.  Stiller assembles a crack squad crew of yahoos to try and find the missing money the feds were unable to locate in Alda's accounts.  This is their story, and they kept most of us guessing the next step and the outcome.

Funny, entertaining, simple to follow, but bit too much profanity to make it a family film (standard PG-13 words).  Worth watching, but not a must see in theatres.  It can be enjoyed on any medium.  Tower Heist pulls 4 out of 5 Cyclones.

-Cyclone Critic

Puss 'n' Boots - not Shrek or an equivolent.

 
Watch the attached trailer and skip the movie.  Unless you are taking the kids, you won't get your money's worth.  This is merely a kids' film.

The adult humor is abundant in the trailers, but there is little body to the film.  I was hooked with the trailer, and was sitting in the theatre waiting for the humor to hit me and the laughter to ensue, it didn't arrive.  The audience was left fairly empty handed and only the kids were smiling.

Save the money, watch the trailer above, and see if Pixar can entertain us with their next animated film "Brave".  Until then, Antonio Banderas (who is clearly apparent in the Puss character) and the rest of the voices will pull 2 out of 5 Cyclones.

-Cyclone Critic.

Paranormal Activity 3 - far too normal

It should be unethical for critics to write reviews on movies such as this, Scream, and Final Destination.  Why? because they do not require or need a review.  They are merely to be appreciated by those who wish to see these types of horror/comedy films.

Paranormal was hyped by the studio as "going to be better than the first, and sorry about number two..." and it didn't even live up to that expectation.  More of the same jumping and eerie feelings as you sit through another few hours of subpar drama.  The movie was more fun than scary, but those who enjoy the genre will enjoy the film.

Not fair to review, but always fair enough to give the standard 'yeah, this is the same movie as before' staple.  2 out of 5 Cyclones for falling short of the studio hype and viewers expectations.

-Cyclone's Critic

Margin Call, was marginal

This film carried the enthusiasm and excitement of Moneyball and Ides of March.

It was a drama focusing on the the Lehman Brothers and real estate meltdown.  There are big name actors in this film, and they do a fantastic job as in Moneyball and Ides of March, but the writing and screenplay are quite mediocre and subdued.

If you know noting about what has happened in financial markets in the past decade, then watching this will be like showing the Nuremberg trials to a teenager, good luck appreciating it.  Don't expect much to remain in your brain when you leave the theatre, but take from it some quality acting, and a story that has changed this country as we know it.

Margin Call will pull 3 out of 5 Cyclones for mediocrity across the board, but a needed film with meaningful actors.

-Cyclone Critic

The Way - I'm actually glad they found a way to bring us this screening

Charlie Sheen and Emilio Esteves are trying their hardest to get this movie onto the big screen.  After over a year of searching, they have finally done it.  They want us to encourage you to go see it.  If you enjoy a quality drama with some humor and the people/lands of France and Spain, then please do accept their invite and go see it, otherwise take my invite and sit back for the show.

There is a good story, meaning, and messages in the movie.  "The Way" is about a father who gets a phone call his son has died on day one of "el camino" de Santiago also known as "the walk".  Charlie Sheen, is the dad and has the life of a doctor, where his son (in real life and on camera) Emilio Esteves, is more of the laissez-faire type.  The son to father key quote was "You don't choose a life dad, you live one" and the drama begins.  This is where dad goes to finish son's journey on the lengthy walk.  He meets some characters along the way from Ireland, Holland, and Canada.  Of course they mimic "Friends" and make the story work. 

Now the soundtrack including tracks from Alanis Morisette, Coldplay, and the other standard cliche tracks actually end up working well.  The movie is over two hours long, so get the large beverage and popcorn and make sure to grab an isle seat for the potty break.  Given this is an awkward time of year for movies, this one is ahead of the pack, but not going to pull in any awards.  I am a sucker for small run films and the 'B' titles, so "The Way" will garner 4 out of 5 Cyclones.


-El Jefe

The Dead - freshly recreated.

This is a road picture filmed on location with zombies. The zombies were played by the local villagers (filmed in Africa.) For the type of picture it was good except that the look of the film was too "clean". It needed some scratches and other grindhouse effects throughout the movie to make it a real horror movie.


The actors (during the question and answer session) said that they only did one or two takes maximum. They had to invent ways to splatter blood after a gunshot to the body because traditional ways cost money. Everything had to be done with relatively new actors and production crew. They were creative in doing some of effects because of limitations of little money and being on location in Africa.

I was disappointed that I did not get movie tickets to the advanced screening of Toast, but after tonight's experience I am glad I saw this film as opposed to Toast. I had low expectations going into it and afterwards my analysis of the film is better than expected. Especially after learning more about it during a sit down with the leads and director.  It is not in the same league as Citizen Kane or The Godfather, but a fresh take on creativity. I still would give my whole experience and the film a 4 out of 5 Cyclones.

-El Jefe, with help, reviewing from San Jose

Ides of March

What a stellar line up -  we get Gosling, Giamatti, Clooney, Wright, Hoffman, and others to make this movie work. But is almost doesn't.

Ides of March is a DRAMA, nothing more. It focuses on the Democratic Presidential Primary. The parties involved play this one out like a soap opera.  They cut each other down, they lie, they finesse, they commit adultery, and they battle everything out - dramatically.

Many critics and viewers were sleeping.  The Republicans in the audience were awake and engaged.  Those who enjoy a drama were totally into it.  Families in attendance were a bit thrown off by the abundance of unnecessary profanity which detracted from the overall enjoyment of the film.

Go in looking for a drama, come out happy.  Go in expecting a performance from all the lead actors, come away unhappy.  Gosling did very well, but with all the whisper about Academy nods, I am not holding my breath.  Truly a bit disappointing from what this could have been.  Similar to Michael Clayton, Nixon, JFK etc.  Don't bring a date, they will probably not be pleased by your choice of film.  No real need to bring a brain either.  Everything is laid out in due time and it is easy to follow. Even the ending is null and void.  2 out of 5 Cyclones for pure drama and lack of much else.

-El Jefe

Real Steel

"Real Steel" is about fighting robots. There is not much real violence, just animated robot violence as in "Transformers".  To take from another viewer over some brainstorming " Love the robot cage fighting, the character development was sufficient and the ending was as expected, a heartwarming aww moment. Slightly reminiscent of Iron Giant and Astro Boy, a salvaged sparring bot incidentally named Atom becomes a star fighter thanks to a kid's confidence, persistence, and determination to succeed. I'd definitely recommend seeing it. Would have loved it in 3D"

The movie targets the 6th to 8th grade segment of the viewers and misses the "Warrior" and "Fighter" crowds....it goes for the younger audience.  Hugh Jackman was excellent in his role, and the movie flowed quite well. Without much to complain about, "Real Steel" will pull 4 out of 5 Cyclones.

-El Jefe

50/50 = 100%

Yes, a truly pleasant and refreshing surprise to the standard summer films we have been watching.  “50/50” hits some emotional and dramatic nerves.  Only one person got up during the film to get food (me) while the rest of the theatre was fully engulfed in tears and laughter throughout “50/50.”

I can finally say thanks to Seth Rogen for his performance in a movie.  Gordon-Levitt and the cast delivered quite well in 50/50.  Some humor mixed with tears and family bonding in a movie is a great recipe.  There is a bit of objectification of women and some impersonal medical professionals depicted in “50/50” but they add to the drama and attempt to propel the story.  The movie is predictable (except for the major question!) yet we shouldn’t really care as we watch. 

If you enjoyed “The Music Never Stopped”, “Life as a House”, or “A Walk To Remember”, then settle in and enjoy “50/50.”  If you enjoy ER or something else to glorify doctors and hospitals, then sit and watch General Hospital reruns instead.  If it wasn’t for the profanity, this would be valuable to viewers of all ages.  “50/50” will still pull 5 out of 5 Cyclones. 

-CycloneMovies.com Critic

Machine Gun Preacher

Gerard Butler is soooooo muted in his roles as he successfully portrays a criminal, he fails to be a preacher.  The movie is based on a true story of a born-again junky/inmate/abusive husband turned into a white preacher working with orphans in Sudan. 

Butler is not convincing. the movie drawls on for over two hours.  The ending is a bit terse in terms of the rest of the movie's flow, and we kind of get thrown for a loop as viewers. 

Unless you have a particular interests in the movie's subjects, I wouldn't recommend the $10 or the two hours to sit in the theatre to watch it, unless the popcorn there is delicious and they offer a refill.  Machine Gun Preacher misses the target audiences (all of them) and even fails to attract viewers with the deceptive posters depicting Butler with a machine gun in one hand and an orphan in the other.  2 out of 5 Cyclones.


-El Jefe

Dream House - You won't sleep through it, but you won't have nightmares either.

Can we say "Shutter Island", "The Others", or "13 Ghosts"?  Daniel Craig is a family man and does it well.  He has secured his ability to play a wider range of roles as a lead actor.

The movie does not bring anything new or ingenious to the field, but the story is consistent and flows.  If you liked the aforementioned films, then stand in the short post-summer movie line for a ticket (at matinee price) and enjoy.  Not one to miss work for, more just a back up film to sit through if your parents or friends are late to pick you up from seeing another movie at the theatre.  Make sense?

There are enough interesting twists to make the movie enjoyable.  It is relatively predictable, and some of the ends are not tied up, but they don't necessarily need to be.  For a 10 pm screening on a Thursday before the Friday release of the film, and no press welcomed to the screening, I will gift "Dream House" 3 out of 5 Cyclones.

-El Jefe

Footloose Cutloose

Not better than the original, but still has the pretty boy, the bible, and the small town antics.  The dancing doesn't sell the movie, unfortunately. 

The big city boy comes to the small town and is surprised to hear the town doesn't allow dancing and music and assembly of youngsters following the death of a prominent family's son years earlier.

The movie is a feel good film, with some dramatic and unrealistic scenes, and mediocre at best dancing.  Good for those who enjoy Glee and that genre.  Without much to focus on, Footloose will pull 2 out of 5 Cyclones.

-El Jefe

Abduction - An awards would have to be stolen

Watching Taylor Lautner made me ‘happy’ in some regards, but watching this movie made me depressed, because it was not good, at all.

With the high hopes for this young man to do something besides play Shark Boy, oh and a werewolf on Twilight, I was not convinced he can do it after watching “Abduction”.   The tacky lines and a Mark Hamil / Hayden Christensen level of acting, the movie left repulsive short-term memories in my mind.  His stunt(ed) action scenes were ridiculous.  There were typically 2-3 camera cuts in each sequence to distract from what could have been done quite easily with a trained stunt double.  Of course TL had his shirt off as much as possible, except when it whould have realistically been removed, like in the water.   Lautner’s female sidekicks were equally as disappointing.  Sigourney Weaver and Lily Collins were almost as pathetic as Kristen Stewart is in Twilight.  The memorable lines had so much sexual innuendo and delivery, I almost threw up a little.  The purely unemotional and scripted lines such as “Come in the back door…” and “Knock twice before coming inside…” were all delivered at awkward moments, without rhyme or reason. 

Yes it has a Twilight feel to it.  It is comparable to story as  the Bourne series, and other spy vs. spy movies.  But it is not nearly as enjoyable.  Abduction will pull 2 out of 5 Cyclones  merely for having eye candy and providing tweens with a perfect movie to enjoy.  The rest of us can just drop them off and see something else.

-New CycloneMovies.com Critic-

Dolphin Tale - drowning in boredom and predictability

The movie is sponsored and promoted by feel good groups, churches, and independent media outlets.  It is a limited release feature with some high caliber names (Connick Jr and Freeman) in the cast. They balance out for an entertaining movie.

Don’t go into this movie looking for too much.  Just let it play out.  It is totally predictable and appropriate for all ages and walks-of-life.  It will cater to the elementary crowd as well as the family elders.  It is a (true) story about a dolphin which loses its tale due to man-made hazards.   The dolphin is fitted with a prosthetic tail as well as a new outlook on life for itself as well the boy looking to nurse the dolphin back to health.  At times I wish the dolphin (or I) had been euthanized prior to the movie. Then  the realization about the target audience and purpose of the movie would return.

If you want to feel like you watched a Lifetime TV show or an Oprah Book Club title made for the big screen, spend the money.  If you want something more, wait for TV or Redbox.  It fails to rival other animal movies like Old Yeller, Lassie, Free Willy, and so on.   I can’t find many faults with the movie other than mild entertainment for an hour and a half.  I didn’t need to see the movie to get the story and visuals in my head.  “Dolphin Tale” will only get 2 out of 5 Cyclones.

-CycloneMovies.com Critic

Moneyball

There is the slow and determined approach to a standard drama with "Moneyball." The sounds were subtle and the film was easy to relax and enjoy.

We are drawn in not so much by the baseball and the players, but by the unlikely subjects behind the scenes. We watch the politics and strings being pulled within the A's and between the MLB teams. The peanut gallery of old men at the A's roundtable are true to form. There was a great quote credited to Mickey Mantle about how can we play for so long and know nothing about the game. We are in that position as we watch.

Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt are the focal characters. Pitt is pushed by Sony for an Oscar nod, but I won't hold my breath. The story is slow and historically entertaining. Viewers will get caught up in a few baseball moments and spend over 2 hours wondering when and how will it end. It is a drama. The semantics, metaphors, and statistics take a bit of a toll after the few hours, but it is definitely worth seeing. 3 out of 5 Cyclones for a movie baseball, history, and all ages can enjoy.

-CycloneMovies.com Critic